chi.mer.i.cal | 1. created by or as if by a wildly fanciful imagination; highly improbable
2. given to unrealistic fantasies; fanciful
cog.i.ta.tions |
1. thoughtful considerations; meditations
2. serious thoughts, carefully considered reflections
thanks goes out to my colleague the pastor, who alerted me to this bit of news.
in chicago, one mr. jakub fik has brought demonstrations of contempt for cops to new levels. while most of us are content to flip cops off with an upraised finger, mr. fik showed chicago police what he really thought of them.
as with all carefully crafted plans, mr. fik lured the chicago police to the scene by smashing the windows of cars parked along the street. when police showed up, he broke into one of the houses in the block. this cunning and unexpected move left the police on the scene stupefied. they called for backup.
once he had garnered himself a sufficient audience (8 police officers), mr. fik charged out of the house with a handful of knives. these, he threw at the officers. oh, he was also naked. these knives were just a prelude to a more deadly projectile. having gotten the attention of the police by flinging sharp objects at them, his dramatic piece de resistance was to cut off his penis and fling it at them. for the record, he missed.
naked, bleeding, and with a roar of triumph (actually, the roar is unreported - but, again, literary license.), mr. fik disappeared inside. having run out of penises, he managed to unearth more knives, emerging once again with a "another handful".
a police officer braved the lethal hail to creep up on mr. fik and taser him. unfortunately, the officer's courage is not matched by his brainpower. officer dolan noted, in the understatement of the year, that mr. fik tried to resist arrest. another startling observation made by officer dolan, and, one can only imagine, said with departmental pride : "we took him out without any serious injury."
fik's penis was later reattached at northwestern memorial hospital. it is my sincerest regret that i am unable to bring you pictures of this incident.
what i will leave you with, however, is a picture of another severed penis - from the lorena bobbit incident.
another little fact you my find interesting, after bobbit's reattachment surgery, he had a short career as a pornstar. one of his films was entitled 'john wayne bobbit... uncut' in another movie, 'frankenpenis', he played a character made of spare parts. during intercourse, his penis, rather predictably, falls off. "oh no, not again", he moans. thanks to wikipedia for that bit of trivia.
full article, as usual, in comments.
in chicago, one mr. jakub fik has brought demonstrations of contempt for cops to new levels. while most of us are content to flip cops off with an upraised finger, mr. fik showed chicago police what he really thought of them.
as with all carefully crafted plans, mr. fik lured the chicago police to the scene by smashing the windows of cars parked along the street. when police showed up, he broke into one of the houses in the block. this cunning and unexpected move left the police on the scene stupefied. they called for backup.
once he had garnered himself a sufficient audience (8 police officers), mr. fik charged out of the house with a handful of knives. these, he threw at the officers. oh, he was also naked. these knives were just a prelude to a more deadly projectile. having gotten the attention of the police by flinging sharp objects at them, his dramatic piece de resistance was to cut off his penis and fling it at them. for the record, he missed.
naked, bleeding, and with a roar of triumph (actually, the roar is unreported - but, again, literary license.), mr. fik disappeared inside. having run out of penises, he managed to unearth more knives, emerging once again with a "another handful".
a police officer braved the lethal hail to creep up on mr. fik and taser him. unfortunately, the officer's courage is not matched by his brainpower. officer dolan noted, in the understatement of the year, that mr. fik tried to resist arrest. another startling observation made by officer dolan, and, one can only imagine, said with departmental pride : "we took him out without any serious injury."
fik's penis was later reattached at northwestern memorial hospital. it is my sincerest regret that i am unable to bring you pictures of this incident.
what i will leave you with, however, is a picture of another severed penis - from the lorena bobbit incident.
another little fact you my find interesting, after bobbit's reattachment surgery, he had a short career as a pornstar. one of his films was entitled 'john wayne bobbit... uncut' in another movie, 'frankenpenis', he played a character made of spare parts. during intercourse, his penis, rather predictably, falls off. "oh no, not again", he moans. thanks to wikipedia for that bit of trivia.
full article, as usual, in comments.
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
Smashing car windows
Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.
Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.
The occupants were not home, he added.
Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.
"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.
Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.
Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.
"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.
Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.
"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.