chimerical cogitations: tigers

chi.mer.i.cal | 1. created by or as if by a wildly fanciful imagination; highly improbable 2. given to unrealistic fantasies; fanciful cog.i.ta.tions | 1. thoughtful considerations; meditations 2. serious thoughts, carefully considered reflections

tigers

Published Tuesday, October 17, 2006 by jr | E-mail this post

another long hiatus, which i shall blame on the need to prepare for an interview. and also cognitive inertness in general.

had an absurdly hilarious conversation over lunch today. i had two new colleagues join the office recently, both about my age (mid-20s); one guy, one girl. given the mechanics of one desiring to impress the other, conversation strayed to pick-up lines. i had recently shared with the male colleague a pick-up line i had thought up over lunch a few days ago. one that i'm particularly proud of - not because of its brilliance, but more of its inception in less than conducive company. but that's an insult for another day. so, my pickup line goes something like this.

staggeringly hot girl, coming up to me to introduce herself (one of the more common problems i face when i venture out of the house. but i shall be stoic and not complain further.) : "hi, i'm xxxxx."

where xxxxx is her name, and not some not-so-subtle attempt at an indecent proposition, unsuitable for publication because i know my baby cousins read this blog.

my response (assuming i'm interested. and that my wife isn't around.) : "hi, i'm smitten."

sweet and simple. in return, my colleague shared with me his favourite line. let's call this colleague lech.

lech, walking up to girl (who may or may not be hot considering he has self-confessed low standards) : "fat penguin."

girl : "???"

lech : "fat penguin."

girl : "what?"

lech : "i just wanted to say something to break the ice."

not the most sophisticated line conceivable. but, as we discussed, probably good enough to get a decent success rate - if only by invoking the maternal instinct in females that pity your stupidity. sympathy vote, of sorts.

anyhow, after sharing these lines with our new female colleague, lech decided to pull yet another one out from his bag of tricks. actually, this was the only one remaining in his repertoire. but i suppose that's incidental.

lech : "what winks and f*cks like a tiger?" *wink*

girl : "what?"

lech : "what winks and f*cks like a tiger?" *huge, exaggerated wink*

long pause

girl : "i don't get it."

lech (dumbfounded) : "which part, exactly, don't you get?"

girl : "what tiger?"

momentary stunned silence

lech : "what winks and f*cks like a tiger?" *wink wink wink*

girl : "i still don't get it."

lech (utterly exasperated, and yelling. loudly. and gesticulating at his chest with both thumbs) : "me! i f*ck like a tiger!"

a proclamation which, if you can imagine, drew some attention from the table full of colonels next to us.

strangely enough, it seems as if the girl finds him utterly charming. who knows, she might even be falling in love. females are an odd lot.